StoneToss: Episode 15

But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 
- Matthew 5:39

Comic Name: Martyr
Description: N/A
Mouseover: But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. – Matthew 5:39
Image Name: christian-conservative-comic.png
Originally Published: 10/20/17

What The Comic Is: A man busts through the door of his local congressman’s office/purgatory void, crying in alarm at how the slippery slope of gay wedding cakes has resulted in wanton child transgenderism. The congressman asserts that Christian conservatives must do as they always do; ask what Jesus would do. The congressman is then crucified by a crowd of people as a gay pride and antifa flag fly proudly over lumpy grey hills in the background. 

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: That Christian conservatives are victims and that the time for them to ‘play nice’ or be passive, as per the instructions of Jesus Christ, are over; elsewise the radical tide of hate groups like gay people and anti-fascists will be their undoing. 

Why It’s fucking Stupid: Okay lads and ladettes, let’s all be real with each other. We all know 
StoneToss is an idiot, right? This isn’t a secret to anyone? No? Good. Because this one is really stupid. I find myself describing at least half of StoneToss’s publications as “exceptionally stupid”, which begs yet another fundamental question concerning StoneToss; is stupidity of this level still ‘exceptional’ of StoneToss when he does it almost half the time?

Whatever. A question for another time, perhaps. For now, let’s focus on Exhibit A: StoneToss’s victim mentality. The first panel of the comic has a worried citizen barging in on his congressman so StoneToss can try pretending (outright lying) that a slippery slope exists between gay civil rights and people projecting transexualism onto their children (it doesn’t). The second and third panels has the congressman stating “the same thing we always do, ask ourselves what would Jesus do”? This paints conservative Christians in a super innocent light, as if they’re not the demographic of people constantly protesting in hatred against homosexuality (among many other things), directly supporting or committing ‘gay conversion’ therapies, abusing men, women and children alike within their church communities, physically assaulting women who attempt to visit abortion clinics, etc.

This isn’t to say that all Christians are bad. That is not what I believe, nor what is really true. It’s perfectly possible to be religious and inclusive of everyone, especially if one goes by contemporary and comparatively modern New Testament versions of “Jesus Loves” Christianity. However, acting like conservative Christians are somehow always turning the other cheek and peacefully allowing gays to exist is not only so far removed from the truth that it would make Adolf Hitler blush and giggle, but it’s just downright idiotic. What kind of idiot would honestly try to pass off the conservative Christian base as being a bunch of peaceful pacifists?! Oh right, StoneToss would. I forgot who we were talking about for a second, silly me!

Anyways, the fourth panel ends with the congressman crucified. Just like what Jesus would do, get it? Be crucified for being peaceful and turning the other cheek?? Hahahah don’t you get it?!?!?!. Anyways, “What would Jesus Do?” is a popular adage/bumper sticker that many Christian-types cite as a way of promoting Christ-approved inclusivity and peace (at least in theory; obviously some Christians don’t exactly practice what they mindlessly regurgitate). StoneToss is trying to paint a world (that doesn’t exist) wherein pacifistic conservative Christians can no longer afford to turn the other cheek, as antifa and gay rights ‘terrorize’ those who do so (the comic’s mouse over text is the Bible verse from which the modern saying is derived from; also, lol, seriously, StoneToss? Gay rights is now a violent movement? Fuck off.) 

This is stupid for two reasons. First of all, gay rights is not an extremist or violent group, like, at all. Antifa I can get; that’s at least your boilerplate stupid coming from StoneToss. But, second of all, acting like gay activists are out there physically forcing others to ‘accept the gay’ while also simultaneously acting as if the very base that actually has violently suppressed them in past and present is the one that is being victimized is so u n b e l i e v a b l y stupid. 

Conservative Christians don’t turn the other cheek to gay people. That’s like the linchpin of the fucking issue. If they WERE turning the other cheek, there wouldn’t have been an issue with a Christian baker making a gay wedding cake. StoneToss tries to literally erase factual happenings by suggesting (in the first panel) that Christians peacefully allowed gay wedding cakes to exist instead of, ya know, fighting vehemently against it for years on end. 

Bonus points for depicting conservative Christians as turning the other cheek while also depicting antifa and gay rights activists as crucifying them anyways. What’s the message here? That antifa and gay people just hate religion even though it’s tolerant of them? Of course, in reality, there are many Christians who are opposed to/intolerant of homosexuality, but this is StoneToss’s make-believe world we’re talking about.

Gay people wouldn’t have any beef with Christians if Christians actually acted the way StoneToss depicts them. But StoneToss can’t make a comic strip where Christians turn the other cheek and gay people react the way they really would (happily and peacefully); because then how would he be able to justify his homophobia?! All we “woke” folks care about is the entitled gayz. Why doesn’t anyone ever think of StoneToss and his bigotry :,(

How else would they get laid, tho?

Comic Name: With Friends Like These 
Description: N/A
Mouseover: How else would they get laid, tho?
Image Name: male-feminist-comic.png
Originally Published: 10/24/2017

What The Comic Is: We’re treated to a brief rundown of different predator animals in their natural habitats. StoneToss, ever the naturalist and biologist that he is, treats us to an illustration of a spider that only has six legs. In the fourth panel, a man sweats nervously as he attends a feminist gathering.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: That no men are feminists and they’re only doing it to pick up women.

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: So basically StoneToss is just suggesting that men can’t be feminist and that they’re only ‘camouflaging’ themselves, as a predator in nature would, to prey upon women in the movement. This is an easy way of invalidating any male feminist, since you can just accuse them of bad faith acting in the interest of hunting p00n. StoneToss also depicts his male feminist with either a tiny cocktail hot dog on his scalp or some kind of weird bald-head-manbun thing akin to a sort of stereotypical Japanese samurai hairstyle.

Basically he’s just attempting to discredit the feminist movement in general by ‘revealing’ male feminists to be only in it for the sex, which would also (on a deeper level) be undermining feminism. Whether StoneToss has the ability of thought required to dig as far down as making a message that feminism therefore can never truly work when one of the sexes is incapable of doing anything other than acting in bad faith is another debate for another day.

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