StoneToss: Episode 42

Comic Name: I Doodoo
Description: Fun fact: 28% of gay men have had over 1,000 sexual partners.(links to a bigoted Christian website; further evidence of StoneToss being a closet Bible freak)
Mouseover: “mono”gamy
Image Name: gay-marriage-comic.png
Originally Published: 12/13/2018

What The Comic Is: A man and a woman pronounce their wedding “I Do” in unison. In the next panel, two men pronounce their wedding “I Do” in unison, along with several other men in the gay wedding audience. 

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Gay men are all sluts who fuck everyone, straight people are monogamous (unless it’s a woman, then they’re all whores unless they marry a man and don’t have pre-existing sexual partners). 

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: StoneToss can’t seem to make up his mind as to whether or not gay people are miserable, lonely cretins to society who can never fit in or if they’re packing down orgies every weekend. But don’t be too harsh on him, we all know he doesn’t actually think about anything he believes in.
StoneToss isn’t saying that the men at the wedding are all going to have a gay wedding orgy, this is him trying to suggest that pre-existing sexual partners somehow ‘stay’ with you forever and somehow ruin or devalue your eventual marriage. He’s talked about this with women before (and we’ll cover future comics concerning that here eventually), but the fact he’s making this comic about gay men specifically and that he links a “study” conducted by Exodus Global Alliance, a Christian-based gay conversion/therapy organization, lend a massive amount of credence that StoneToss is a religious nutcase. He does well to never seem overly religious, perhaps knowing the internet (even his very pre-dominantly Christian fan base) would look less favorably on him if he were too forward about how his religion influences his beliefs. 

It seems that around this time of the year, back in 2018, that StoneToss, in his personal life, might have went down a gay conversion therapy rabbit hole. It’s very likely he picked up his bizarre belief in ‘good Christian relationships’ being put under attack (as seen in this issue) from places like Exodus Global Alliance and whatever shitpit church he attends IRL. He was already homophobic, but late 2018 seemed to mark a paradigm shift towards StoneToss exploring homosexuality deeper (would it be gay if he felched the bull’s cum??, StoneToss ponders). Specifically what StoneToss believes ’causes’ someone to turn into a homosexual and, apparently, a belief in conversion therapy.

StoneToss clearly holds marriage in a very high and sacred regard, which isn’t out of character for a bigoted conservative-type like StoneToss. It’s amusing to think that the ‘redpilled based free thinker’ that StoneToss and his fans eagerly believe him to be is, in reality, just a braindead sheep believing whatever his bigoted church leadership instills in him. StoneToss is therefore the literal polar opposite of someone who thinks for themselves; but was that ever really a question, given the absolute intellectual flaccidity of his shitty fucking comics?

The comic’s name is a stupid reference to gay anal sex and poop, a joke StoneToss will mindlessly retread many times in the future, as if this were the start of him realizing that butts have poop in them; which, given his sheltered life and submission to religion, might not be far from the truth.

Also, can we just take a second to appreciate the fucking ridiculous statistic that “28% of gay men have had over 1,000 sexual partners”? No wonder StoneToss hates gay people so much, he thinks they fuck all of the time while he fucks none of the time!

Comic Name: Any Way You Slice It
Description: In other news, American Circumcision, a documentary from a fellow traveler of ours has just released on Netflix! Check it out.
Mouseover: …just a flesh wound
Image Name: circumcision-is-amputation-comic.png
Originally Published: 12/18/2018

What The Comic Is: A man chats with another man, musing that women prefer men who are circumcised. A girl walks by, chatting on the phone, mentioning that she thinks shorter guys are kind of cute. The man, after pausing for a moment, begins to saw his own leg off.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Circumcision is like cutting your leg off to appease )))the femoidz))(

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: You know, there’s a lot I hate about StoneToss. We have a funny relationship like that. I hate him; he’s too busy not getting any pussy and hating everyone else to notice I exist. It’s a little dynamic we have, haha. The thing I hate about him the most, though, if I had to choose, would be his talent to turn a funny comic into a shit one. What I mean by that is that this comic is a genuinely funny base for a joke; a guy who goes too far to tailor himself to what a girl finds attractive. However, StoneToss is a bigoted dumbfuck and therefore that bigoted dumbfuckery coats this comic like a sort of chocolate coating (but it’s not chocolate, it’s SHIT!!11).

We can probably all agree that circumcising babies is bad, so like usual we’ll ignore that part of the comic. The problem with the comic is that it’s comparing circumcision with cutting your legs off, and not in a self-aware way. StoneToss isn’t saying “look, circumcising is as dumb as cutting a limb off!”, he’s saying that guys are such simps that they’ll do whatever women want, even if that means circumcising themselves or using it as an excuse to justify circumcision. In that way, it’s a comic about how women ruin society by making men do self-harmful things, ergo, women are bad. Yes, this is the fruit of StoneToss’ considerable talent: to take a comic about circumcising and turn it into a ‘woman bad’ comic. 

It didn’t have to be a bad comic. But StoneToss is nothing if not an over-achiever, I suppose. Well, an over-achiever at being an idiot, that is.