Ben Garrison: Episode 4

Comic Name: Woke Dr. Seuss

I don’t get it, who cut the Communist sneetches’ head off? Why is he holding his own head?? I like the angry fish with arms looking straight up like a high school football team mascot, though. Garrison hardly even depicts some of these things as looking that bad. Again, “McElligot’s Kneel” straight up looks like empowering imagery, lol. THE CAT IN THE MASK??, oh no he looks kind of sad because of the mask wow oh no. Horton Hears The W.H.O telling him to lock down, how terrible. Garrison is so fucking lazy and shitty that he just thinks “I don’t even have to make masks or lockdowns look actively bad, my dumbass readers will automatically assume all of this for me!”. And okay, point to Garrison, he’s definitely not wrong. At this point, after more than a decade of shilling to the lowest common denominator on the Right, all Garrison really as to do is draw a caricature of literally any noteworthy democrat and write SAD LOW ENERGY! across them and the absolute sentient dirtclods that gargle his shit will think it’s hilarious.

Continuing on his unbroken streak of making shitty puns, “Green Eggs and Jab” is goddamned abominable. I guess I’ll give him partial credit for at least bothering to depict the syringe as steaming and dripping viscous, poisonous-looking goo. That’s certainly a far more blatant image than Horton making a slightly concerned face at the W.H.O.

I love this comic, though. Really I do. The Dr. Seuss debacle had absolutely nothing to do with BLM, vaccines or lockdowns, but Garrison isn’t quite openly racist enough to make commentary on things like offensive caricatures of black and Asian people, so he just madly shifts the Seuss narrative to a more comfortable place, which is whining about BLM and Covid. He knew the Seuss stuff was too hot to not take a shot at (and who could pass up the chance to see the immortal characters of Dr. Seuss redrawn by a lazy, bigoted fat geriatric?) but he also didn’t want to, or didn’t know what to say, involving the actual ‘controversy’ that concerned how Seuss depicted certain people of color. Does it make sense? Not in the fucking slightest. Does it stop a bunch of idiots from making the Cat in the Mask their Facebook avatars in between being banned for posting Proud Boys memes? I dunno. Does Ben Garrison pee standing up? (The answer is no: he never moves from his computer chair and his body had readily adapted to simply reabsorbing all waste material for calorie collection).