StoneToss: Episode 75

Apologies for the mini-hiatus; my girlfriend surprised me with a birthday vacation and I didn’t get a chance to prepare any posts. Do not worry! For her duplicity in this, she paid with her life. No one comes between me and my one true love: all of you. Mwah mwah. Yes, daddy loves you. Mmm, you dirty little sluts.

Epic fail

Comic Name: Lesson Unlearned
Description: Held back a (pay) grade.
Mouseover: Epic fail
Image Name: teacher-pay-stonetoss-political-cartoon.png
Amogus: First panel, right side. On the chalkboard.
Originally Published: 4/29/2021

What The Comic Is: A teacher hands her student back his test, marked with an F. She warns him that he won’t be able to get a good paying job if he fails. In the next panel, a politician brings up the subject of fixing failing schools, asking the assembly of people for ideas. The same teacher stands in front of a mic and suggests paying teachers more money.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Teachers are failures and that’s why they don’t make lots of money, ergo the profession of teaching is bad. Conversely, they are entitled hypocrites for wanting more money.

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: Big surprise, the Nazi loser is being anti-education again. Shocker, I know. Somehow StoneToss has managed to insulate himself so well against the harsh mistress of reality that he feels confident enough to make statements like this without ever worrying about the obvious reaction most people will have to it. I mean, StoneToss is a fucking coward. He’ll never actually go to bat and defend his stances, he’ll just make stupid passive aggressive strawman comics and never read Twitter comments. This complete self-isolation from reality is about the only way someone can reasonably be openly opposed to something as basic and seemingly neutral as education of children. StoneToss does not like to be called a Nazi (he only likes to not-so-subtly hint at being one), and yet he’s probably aware of just what a corner you paint yourself into the second you start complaining about how education is bad. It’s pretty fucking hard to not look blatantly Nazi-esque when you begin crusading against education, after all. StoneToss doesn’t have the balls to ever open this can of worms, so he chooses instead to only poke and jab at it here and there.

So what about this shit take in specific? Well, the obvious commentary is that the teacher is telling the student to “not fail” in order to get a good paying job, though hypocritically demands more money herself. If StoneToss was smart (he’s not), then he’d have made a connection that the teacher’s lack of pay is directly linked to her “failure” to adequately teach/inspire her student to pass. This would still be very idiotic, though, because teachers are not usually paid based on their performance and even the hardest working teachers with the most passing students are still as underpaid as the lazy ones who don’t care about their student’s progress. But who needs reality when you can strawman?! Who needs intelligence and conviction to explain and defend your beliefs when you can hide in your little walled garden bitchboy web comic?

Teachers also typically ask for more funding to their schools rather than straight-up more pay. For as hard as many of the USA’s teachers work, they certainly need and deserve pay raises, but they also need lots of other things. Many school districts just do not give their schools enough money to get the basic tools they need, and this results in lots of teachers paying out of pocket for things like chalk or other specialized learning tools, or in extreme cases even relying on crowdfunding charity in order to buy fucking school desks for their students. No one becomes a teacher “for the pay”, they do it because they either have a passion to teach or because they want to coach a sport but have to host a half-assed English class on the side.

Anti-education is a strong keystone of fascism and tyrannical government control. StoneToss, being an idiot and a coward, has no idea what the fuck he stands for because he doesn’t stand for anything. He wants the USA to be a self-sustaining anti-immigrant ethnostate that dominates the world in economy, science, culture, etc. However, on the same hand, StoneToss also hates education despite the fact that society needs to educate its people in order to ever achieve any of the things StoneToss wants. So what does he want, exactly? Some wishful thinking Mary Sue bullshit world where failcuck libtard teachers and colleges… don’t exist? Or get replaced by “based” curriculums? And the USA ejects all immigrants and prospers by itself? Peak clown world.

Lumpenproles.

Comic Name: Pruning
Description: Comrades
Mouseover: Lumpenproles.
Image Name: capitalism-and-fascism-comic.png
Originally Published: 10/17/2019

What The Comic Is: A man wearing a hammer and sickle shirt states that fascism is capitalism in decay. He then spots a groundskeeper who is wearing a MAGA hat. With a devious look on his face, the man calls “capitalism inc.” to report that their groundskeeper is a fascist.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Trying to out people for bigotry to their employers is indirectly supporting capitalism, despite the fact many of those “doxxing fascists” are opposed to capitalism.

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: You know you have a very clear, easy to understand point when you have to literally call your imaginary company “CAPITALISM INC”. Truly, the sign of great nuance and writing is when you have to practically explain your own stupid fucking joke. Fucking idiot. Anyways, the ‘message’ here is that the communism man is using capitalism (the right to freely employ/fire as part of the free market) to try and get the MAGA hat man fired. So even if CoMmIe LiBeRaLs hate capitalism, they’re still using capitalism to get people fired. What does this mean? Who in the fuck knows. These are always the worst StoneToss comics to have to discuss, because how do you tear someone down when they themselves don’t even know what the fuck they’re trying to say? At best this is some stupid attempt at a commentary that librulz only like capitalism when it favors them (i.e., when they try to dox a bigot and get them fired), with a sprinkling of “liberals dumb” because the communism shirt guy thinks a man with a MAGA hat is automatically a fascist. Giving the man a devious look on his face, as if he’s aware he’s up to no good, is at least a halfway good(?) attempt at strawmanning the opposition as malicious trolls who weaponize the very economic structure they claim to oppose, so I guess he at least gets some points for trying.

It should be noted that obviously getting someone fired for being a shithead xenophobic bigot (or rather, simply making their personal statements known to an employer, who ultimately decides to let the individual go or not) and disdain for late stage capitalism are… not mutually exclusive in the slightest. You can be opposed to rampant capitalism and the rich while also bringing someone’s bigotry to light with the intention their employer will let them go. Anything else this comic is trying to say is too vague and senseless for anyone who isn’t StoneToss himself to understand, if indeed even StoneToss knows what the fuck he’s saying.

A “Lumpenprole” is a member of the Lumpenproletariat, or the less commonly known branch of society as described by Marxist theory. The much more oft-described proletariat caste are the wage workers who do not have capital or property to live off of and therefore have to work for a living (selling their labor to survive). The lumpenproletariat, then, are beneath that caste and are basically the super unskilled workers/criminals/StoneToss. The description and mouse over text are therefore two parts of the same joke: That socialists/communists/liberals/anyone else StoneToss doesn’t like will think of themselves as “comrades” (strong strawmanning here, of course), as if to style themselves as hard-fighting workers rising up against their rich masters; though in reality communists are all lazy and hate work and therefore don’t have jobs and are actually lumpenproles, unemployed and at the bottom of the Marxist wrung (Marx, Lenin and Trotsky all viewed the lumpenproles as essentially worthless to the cause of communism; whether StoneToss is educated enough to realize that this means he’s asserting Marx and Lenin would, funnily enough, therefore disown the strawmanned lazy communists is up for debate).

Hello, StoneToss? Did you know you’re an idiot? Nah, only kidding. We both know I don’t have to ask!

7 thoughts on “StoneToss: Episode 75

  1. As someone from Indianapolis, it’s a little scary to think he might be from Fishers or somewhere… The idea of accidentally meeting him is terrifying.

    Like

  2. I love how shithead conservatives try to lump alt leftists in with moderate liberals even though those two groups don’t really like each other all that much

    Like

  3. So, this feels kind of odd and amateur to do, but I kind of want to do it anyway: I’m going to attempt to dissect Stonetoss’s background and personal life. So stick with me here for a moment…

    In the next installment of this series, I’ll look at a different part, but for now I’d like to examine his origin. It is my firm belief that he comes from the Midwest. I’m basing my guess based on the following: one, even though he agrees with the conservative political beliefs that define the South, he’s shown time and time again that he enjoys caricaturing Southerners. By the same token, he also loves to caricature rural people, even though he agrees with a lot of their views, so that eliminates the West and the Midatlantic/Northeast (where the rural/urban right/left divide is much more concrete than in the Midwest).

    Specifically in the Midwest, my guess is that he comes from a lily-white suburb. Why? 1) he clearly has spent minimal time interacting with black/Latino people or LGTB+ people, making it unlikely he’s from the inner city of anywhere. 2) . 3) as a Midwesterner, that’s just kind of the vibe I get. I know people who’ve grown up in lily-white suburbs from around Omaha, Wichita, KC, St Louis, Indianapolis (especially Indianapolis, this dude gives me MAJOR Indiana vibes), Des Moines, etc.

    If we assume that to be true, then a large part of his beliefs start to make sense. Frist, his love of white culture: duh. Second, his ultra-strong belief in Christianity and the idea that God is on his side. Third, how keyed in he is to internet culture. In my personal experience, suburban kids tend to spend the most time on the internet (rural kids typically have work of some ort, urban kids have other stuff going on). Given the fact that he spends INSANE amounts of time on the internet, which is obvious just by his Tweet schedule, the suburban theory makes further sense.

    One final thing about his lily-white origin: I truly don’t believe he’s ever actually spent any significant amount of time with a gay person. Ever. His comics really seem to constantly harp the fact that Stonetoss has not a clue about how gay people look, act, or exist. The most likely place for him to have never interacted with a gay person? A lily-white, ultra-conservative suburb that would have repressed the fuck out of any homosexuals.

    Anyway, I think I’ll talk more about what I think the guy’s life is probably like in future installments.

    Like

    1. That’s pretty cool. I kinda like your profiling bit. It’s like a criminal profile but on a crappy bigoted cartoonist rather than a criminal.

      Like

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