StoneToss: Episode 83

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They too will frequently revise the projected date of doomsday...

Comic Name: Apocalypse How?
Description: Demons reading stories to children in libraries might be better sign of the end times than balmy weather.
Mouseover: They too will frequently revise the projected date of doomsday…
Image Name: climate-crisis-end-of-the-world-stonetoss-political-cartoon.png
Amogus: Third panel, the sandal on fedora guy’s front foot.
Originally Published: 5/25/2021

What The Comic Is: A man with a wooden cross shouts on the street while wearing a sign reading “THE END IS NEAR“. A man in a fedora walks past him, humorously scoffing at the foolishness of the doomsayer. In the final panel, however, the fedora man stops, now in alarm and intrigue, at the sign of a third man who is shouting out about climate crisis in the same manner as the doomsayer.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Climate change, and the ensuing disasters that will occur because of it, are tantamount to “end of the world” conspiracy theories like the Christian Rapture or the Mayan calendar, and that people are fools to scoff at one while subscribing to the other.

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: Oh look, the neo-Nazi is denying climate change again. Stop the fucking presses. The comic, of course, is playing at a non-existent hypocrisy that supposedly exists between disbelieving wild conspiracy theories like “Earth will end in 2012 because an ancient calendar stopped recording days at that year” and believing science-based factual evidence that strongly suggests human-caused climate change will turn into a crisis in the near future. StoneToss, and his fellow science-denying idiots, do not have an argument because you can not argue against goddamned science, science is the mere observation of factual occurrences and therefor in order to ‘argue’ against it, you must provide observations that dismiss any already established ones, which no one on StoneToss’ side can do because they’re all clown world idiots. So in lieu of refuting factual evidence, climate change deniers have to awkwardly chuckle and throw their arms up in the air and try and explain it as “iT’s JuSt ThE wEaThEr”. This is a tidy little handwave for anyone in the pocket (knowingly or otherwise) of fossil fuel interests, but it’s also a creed expressed by hardcore Christians. Christians (like StoneToss) are unready to believe their world could possibly be based in anything other than the divine machinations of GodJebus, and thus they reject the idea that humans could ever destroy or influence something like weather (which they choose to perceive as acts of god). To the most extreme among them, the creationist castes, the world is only several thousand years old and is only meant to harbor humans until we all return to heaven and all that, after all. StoneToss, firmly rooted in idiotic alt-right “own the libs” mentality that is coupled with his bend towards Christianity, is a pathetic (but in no way surprising) advocate of science denial.

So StoneToss doesn’t argue with science, because he is incapable of doing so. And he and his ilk understand this, save for the few who are dumb enough to try using ‘science’ to argue against climate change or how old the earth is (and these few always end up making fools of themselves). So we go right back to the awkward laughing and the arm throwing, as they simply opt to outright ignore facts. The climate is changing? Uhhhmm, no stupid lib, that’s just called weather lol. These fucking idiots will be crossing their arms, stomping their feet and screaming “NO, JUST WEATHER!” even as the flood water pools around their ankles. StoneToss is especially weak in this comic, with the description referring to climate change with such a goofy and ridiculous euphemism as “balmy weather“. If that write-off was any more limpdicked, it would need Viagra just to stay flaccid.

StoneToss tries to point to the constant “climate change will destroy earth by xxxx year” fearmongering that occurs, and sure, he has half a point in that observation. The media and the occasional dramatic researcher who is hamming it up for the reporters have had a bad habit of doomsday predictions. Also, general exaggerative word of mouth has helped coin a ton of “global warming is going to make the ice caps melt by 2020- no, I mean, by 2030!!“. Point is, if you look specifically for it, you can find lots of inaccurate predictions on the major repercussions of climate change. But unlike a Mayan calendar or a biblical rapture, observable facts and logic (known as “science”) clearly show human-created climate change is driving an alteration of global weather patterns. We are having more and larger tropical storms, for instance, and sea temperatures are shifting at an unprecedented pace. All of this is a very big concept for a very little StoneToss, however, and instead of man the fuck up and live in the real world, he would rather shelter himself in a fabricated reality where no bad things are happening. What a fucking loser.

The title is a reference to the film “Apocalypse Now” (itself an adaptation of author Joseph Conrad’s 1899 novella Heart of Darkness). The reference doesn’t go any deeper than just a play on the name, though, as StoneToss asks “Apocalypse how, exactly?” the answer to which is: “through science-verified climate change, you stupid motherfucker”.

Strange how many self proclaimed butchers still have sacred cows.

Comic Name: Yellow Card
Description: In reference to Piss Christ, an “edgy” artwork of similar style. (StoneToss then links a photo showing a crucifix submerged in yellow-orange liquid that is claimed to be the artist’s actual piss).
Mouseover: Strange how many self proclaimed butchers still have sacred cows.
Image Name: pee-christ-art-comic.png
Originally Published: 12/26/2019

What The Comic Is: A man in a fedora smugly presents his latest edgy art piece: a Christian cross dropped into a jug of yummy peepee. A second man, looking on blankly and hiding a Jewish menorah behind his back, tosses the menorah into the piss. This is much to the fedora man’s intense shock.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: You can’t make fun of Jews, and that doing so would be equal to making fun of Christians.

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: Holy shit StoneToss you are such a petty little bitchboy baby, lol. StoneToss made this stupid comic in response to an artist depicting a crucifix submerged in pee (as per the description explains). This comic is therefore one big pouty-cry-cry-boo-hoo childish foot stamping that translates into “But he made FUN OF JESUS!! IT’S NOT FAIR HE DIDN’T MAKE FUN OF JEWS (THIS TIME) TOO!! BAAWWWWWW!!!!“. Piss Christ is an art piece made by Andres Serrano. So, see, there’s some things you need to know about Mr. Serrano.

First, he is a life-long Catholic. Second, he explains that his work ‘Piss Christ’ is not blasphemy nor anti-Religion, but rather a kind of statement both on what he calls a “cheapening of Christ” via mass produced merchandise and a reflection of the ‘mess’ of crucifixion. Serrano actually made a similar piece, “Blood Christ”, where a crucifix was submerged into blood. This represented the blood that occurred during Christ’s crucifixion, where the piss represents “the piss and shit”. It sounds weird at first but makes sense if you think about it. The popular representation of Jesus on the cross is always very sanitized and clean, with the most extreme examples only showing a bit of ‘tasteful’ blood drips from his hands and feet. In reality, the dude was probably shitting and pissing himself constantly on the cross. I mean, it’s going to be a fucking messy way to die, after all. So whatever, Piss Christ is just an otherwise obscure art piece by an obscure artist. Oh and there’s on more thing you should know: STONETOSS FUCKING LINKS TO ALL OF THIS INFORMATION AS HIS SOURCE. That’s right. StoneToss’ own linked source is the Piss Christ Wikipedia article wherein all of this is fucking explained. Piss Christ is not an edgy anti-Christian shock piece, it’s a deep commentary by a religious man. Did the fucking idiot even read his own goddamned source?? Of course he didn’t. StoneToss never learns about anything, his entire sad fucking existence is just one kneejerk face value reaction after another. What a total, useless pile of shit. God damn.

Gee, I wonder why a lifelong Catholic felt comfortable submerging Jesus in pee… it’s curious he was comfortable with that, but didn’t do one for the menorah, even though he isn’t Jewish and has no commentary on commercialization of the menorah. God I can just feel StoneToss crying at the notion of a crucifix being dunked in pee but the Jews don’t get any of their imagery dressed up the same. It’s just so, so, so god damned childish and sad even by StoneToss’ standards. He’s like a school kid, tears in his eyes, crying about how unfair that the kid who got hit by a car this morning doesn’t have to come to school today.

So StoneToss takes a man, Andres Serrano, who undoubtedly embodies a sense of Godliness, faith and the tenants of Jesus’ love and compassion on a scale that is infinitely higher than StoneToss will ever amount to, and strawmans him as an edgy neckbeard who is shocked and awed at the “slaughtering of the golden calf”. The golden calf is something StoneToss is so weirdly obsessed with referencing, and he’s forced me to talk about it several times on this blog before. If you forgot all about it (why wouldn’t you have?), the ‘Golden Calf’ is part of the Moses mythos. You’re probably familiar with Moses and how he parts the sea so the Hebrews can escape an army of mummies or some shit, and then they walk through the desert like assholes for awhile until Moses receives God’s ten commandments. Well when Moses goes up the hill to get the commandments, he comes back down and finds that some of the Hebrews have started to worship a golden statue of a calf. This ‘golden calf’ is a false idol, something that adherents of Christ aren’t supposed to worship (I mean, “no false idols” is literally one of the shiny, new commandments). Ergo, losers like StoneToss like to employ “golden calf” is a stupid, useless, wet noodle insult that no one but them and their little circlejerk church club is bothered by. In this case StoneToss is directly attacking Jews (again) by calling their menorah a ‘golden calf’. In the world of deeply religious people this is a pretty serious insult.

StoneToss, because he is a raging bigot, does not appreciate (or even recognize) the difference between making fun of Christianity and making fun of Judaism. Christians are the dominate religion through most of the Western world, with strong influence leading up to even the highest levels of community and government in the USA. Jews experienced a massive genocide less than a single lifetime ago that is still reflected in a loss of overall population, and they still to this day face threats and violence from anti-Semitism fueled by the engineers of that very holocaust which serves as an ever-present reminder that against all good odds: it could always happen again, because there are those out there that want to make that so. HMMMM I WONDER WHY IT’S MORE KOSHER TO MAKE FUN OF ONE RELIGION VERSUS THE OTHER HMMMMMM GEE I FUCKING WONDER. StoneToss is just like your typical victim fetishist: He’s upset his religion is the one you punch up against and doesn’t like it that Jews are slightly more ‘protected’ because you have to punch down to reach them. Boohoo why can’t he be the persecuted on it’s no fair he’s going to fucking cry and make bitchy little comics about it :,,,,(. Go fuck yourself, StoneToss.

4 thoughts on “StoneToss: Episode 83

  1. About the Piss Christ, my uninformed take was that it was a criticism of the obsession of the symbol over what it’s supposed to symbolise. I mean, would Jesus have cared? Or would he have moved on and helped more of the poor and sick? Hell, he’s supposed to have suffered all the actual tortures and humiliations willingly, what is a mere symbolic offence to him? The cross itself never really mattered, it’s the price paid on it that’s supposed to matter to Christians.
    So why does it matters so much to some people? Because they confuse the symbol and the actual thing, the signified and the signifier. In other, more religious, words it is idolatry. It’s turning the symbol of the Christ’s sacrifice into an idol to be revered on its own. Or dare I say… a golden calf?
    And of course, StoneToss witty comeback to be called out as an idolater is “You… you too!”

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    1. >About the Piss Christ, my uninformed take was that it was a criticism of the obsession of the symbol over what it’s supposed to symbolise.

      Yes, absolutely. That was the artist’s message. He is a devout Catholic and it was an art piece meant to commentate on the “commercialization” of religion, and that the crucifix in the peepee was just that: a hunk of plastic produced to be sold, and not a sacred idol (which funnily enough, and I actually didn’t touch on this specific point in the post, is actually akin to the “golden calf” that StoneToss is always so fuckin’ worried about, making -him- his own bad guy, -yet again-).

      So yeah, StoneToss is just upset that someone dunked a crucifix in pee and completely ignored all the context OF HIS OWN LINKED SOURCE. It truly might be the single dumbest fucking StoneToss comic he’s ever written.

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  2. I really love the way you write, it’s pretty hard to be funny through text. Like in this post there’s good lines like “all of this is a very big concept for a very little stonetoss” or “he’s like a school kid, tears in his eyes, crying about how unfair that the kid who got hit by a car this morning doesn’t have to come to school today”.

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