StoneToss: Episode 54

Comic Name: Exit Only
Description: Next they’ll be turning hotdogs into tacos.
Mouseover: Scat is normal.
Image Name: gays-just-like-you-comic1.png
Originally Published: 4/18/2019

What The Comic Is: A man is about to enjoy a bite of a hotdog that has no condiments on it. He stops, alarmed, as he spies a man about to shove a hot dog into his butt. The man shrugs as he plunges the dog up his pooper, commenting that it’s normal. 

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Anal stimulation isn’t normal.

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: First of all, StoneToss uses hotdogs as an analogy for dicks. Okay, whatever. We’ve all been there. But he shows the first guy is about to eat the hotdog, so if hotdogs are penises in this scenario, is the first man performing oral sex on a dick? Is oral sex okay, but anal is somehow bad? And after all, nothing reaffirms one’s heterosexuality quite like imagining and then drawing a man penetrating his own asshole with a phallus.
But I digress. StoneToss is using hotdogs as an analogy for ‘normal’ behavior. It’s normal to eat a hotdog, but it’d be strange and abnormal if someone were shoving them in their ass. And yeah, sure, it’d be pretty weird if someone shoved a fully prepared hotdog in a bun up their ass. I can agree with that, I guess. The comic, though, is using a ‘nature’ argument, that homosexuality is unnatural because biology, humans reproduce by a male mating with a female. This “not as nature intended” argument can easily be extended to transgenders or basically anything that a bigot feels breaches anything other than basic cisgender male-female-penis-in-vagina-sex-for-reproduction-and-never-outside-marriage-despite-the-fact-that-marriage-is-also-not-natural-but-I-guess-bigots-feel-free-to-just-pick-and-choose-whatever-they-want-go-figure-amiright. Again, let’s all view StoneToss and how he lives in a hole dugout next to a waterfront, eating small animals, roots, grass, the occasional ruminant and fish. Forgoing fire and crude tools, StoneToss prefers only to live in the most natural ways. And he definitely doesn’t stick hotdogs in his ass! No sir! 

Only, nah. He lives in the modern world like the rest of us. So what the fuck does it matter if one thing is “biologically natural” or not? We could point out that homosexual relationships occur among wild animals, or that there is no discernable difference in physiology or brain activity between heterosexual and homosexual individuals, but does it fucking matter? Do we really need to justify homosexuality? Humans have been going to pretty extreme lengths to firmly cement the fact that we are about as removed from nature as you can realistically be without transporting yourself into an alternate reality where the trees are made out of flat screen TVs and water is replaced by high fructose corn syrup dyed with Blue 8. I wonder where StoneToss got the notion that homosexuality isn’t natural? Probably from his church, because you can’t logically suggest homosexuality goes against nature while disregarding that 1.) It totally doesn’t go against nature and 2.) Everything else about humans is removed from nature, anyways. Unless you subscribe to something along the lines of, oh I dunno, that the earth is 4,000 years old and primordial humans never existed. But that would be incredibly dumb! And we all know StoneToss isn’t incredibly dumb, right? 

Do you think if we show StoneToss photos of animals engaging in homosexual interactions that he’ll draw a comic about two male lions, one about to eat a mouse while the other one awkwardly shoves a mouse up his ass while explaining it’s natural? At least he’d win some points with the furry crowd.

The description, “turning hotdogs into tacos” is obviously about gender reassignment surgery, or ‘turning penises into vaginas’. It’s the typical boring, tired, fake argument of “gay > trans > pedophilia”, so StoneToss is really making a greater commentary on the degradation of society (first we accept da homoz, then the trans, then eventually we don’t realize the water is boiling and we’re accepting pedophiles). That StoneToss stopped short of mentioning pedophilia is less likely due to him being subtle and much more likely due to him lacking the creativity to come up with a food pun about pedophiles. 

Final hot take: A taco made with hotdog meat is literally as American as you can probably fucking get, so it’s shocking StoneToss seems to oppose the idea.

Comic Name: High Score
Description: Food for Thot
Mouseover: thot = patroled [sic]
Image Name: sex-education-comic.png
Originally Published: 4/30/2019

What The Comic Is: Two teachers examine a box of sexual education material. One teacher comments that they’re unsure if the material is appropriate for children. The other teacher coaxes her not to worry, and for some random reason decides to mention that anal sex is natural. He is shocked, however, when he comes across a page that shows a graph comparing a bride’s number of sexual partners to the likelihood of the marriage ending in divorce.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Women are whores, ruin their lives and marriages and extra-marital sex is the devil’s work.

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: StoneToss continues his tradition of becoming focused on a single topic over the course of 2-5 comics. This time he’s obsessed with anal sex of all things, but he’s using this comic to show that anal sex isn’t just for those damn dirty homos! Even in TRUE and HONEST straight relationships, anal is unnatural. Also, it’s somehow directly linked to women being sluts! That makes sense! StoneToss is anti-sex ed, which fits in line with his religion-fueled bigotry. There’s an unfortunate amount of religious types who are staunchly opposed to any form of sex ed, because their oppressive belief is that “no sex happens before marriage, sex is only for reproduction”. Any form of teaching children about sex or safety during sex is seen as counter intuitive to this oppression, since the matter should be literally no sex at all. After all, if you can’t wrongly teach a child that sex is somehow a bad thing that will ruin your life, how can you make sure they won’t try doing it before getting married to an opposite gendered partner in a church? 

Of course, sex with multiple partners is only bad when a woman does it. StoneToss has never made commentary on men having sex with lots of women. Whether because StoneToss (using himself as a reference point) believes that men can’t realistically get with more than one woman in a lifetime or because he subscribes to the (often hand-in-hand theory among religious anti-sex types) adage of “a lock that opens to any key is a bad lock/a key that opens any lock is a good key” remains to be given a shit about. How anal sex works into this is also questionable, it seems StoneToss just wanted to randomly complain about it again. Being a staunch homophobic bigot, it makes sense that StoneToss is opposed to anal sex in a homosexual setting, but it seems his childish policing of other people’s lives extends into the realm of man-woman anal sex. This isn’t unusual for backwards religious types, though it seems especially random and petty for him to shoehorn the topic into a comic that otherwise focuses on hating women for having sex outside of marriage. 

As for where StoneToss even got the information he uses in his cartoon graph about sex and divorce (he doesn’t link a source anywhere), he draws it from very early research that found a base correlation (never a causation, but religious junkies liked to completely disregard that) between a woman’s sexual partners and her likelihood of divorcing. I could go on and on about the downright invalid nature of this research, but this article does a much better job than I’d do at it. The tl;dr version is: the reason for divorce rates being so high concerning women with higher numbers of sexual partners was, in the past, largely linked to the USA’s overall oppressive stance towards marriage and sexuality. As this changed, so too did divorce rates among women with many sexual partners. Likewise, the reason a large amount of “virgin brides” don’t divorce is because they’re in deeply traditional and religious communities where divorcing in an unhappy, dead marriage would be so sacrilegious that they grin and bear the marriage rather than divorce. 

But no, it couldn’t be oppressive and backwards society. It’s just because women are whores! And if a woman has too much sex before marriage, chemicals in her brain (er, or are ‘chemicals’ too ungodly?) change and reshape, causing her to lose all sensible, Christian thought and fundamentals and ultimately divorce her good, providing white husband so she can get gangbanged by (((socialist))) (((antifa))) (((black))) men (which StoneToss eagerly pleasures himself to while hypocritically condemning the women who produce that very pornography).

It’s just so odd that StoneToss is this opposed to anal sex, considering he’s such an assfuck himself. Very strange, indeed.

StoneToss: Episode 42

Comic Name: I Doodoo
Description: Fun fact: 28% of gay men have had over 1,000 sexual partners.(links to a bigoted Christian website; further evidence of StoneToss being a closet Bible freak)
Mouseover: “mono”gamy
Image Name: gay-marriage-comic.png
Originally Published: 12/13/2018

What The Comic Is: A man and a woman pronounce their wedding “I Do” in unison. In the next panel, two men pronounce their wedding “I Do” in unison, along with several other men in the gay wedding audience. 

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Gay men are all sluts who fuck everyone, straight people are monogamous (unless it’s a woman, then they’re all whores unless they marry a man and don’t have pre-existing sexual partners). 

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: StoneToss can’t seem to make up his mind as to whether or not gay people are miserable, lonely cretins to society who can never fit in or if they’re packing down orgies every weekend. But don’t be too harsh on him, we all know he doesn’t actually think about anything he believes in.
StoneToss isn’t saying that the men at the wedding are all going to have a gay wedding orgy, this is him trying to suggest that pre-existing sexual partners somehow ‘stay’ with you forever and somehow ruin or devalue your eventual marriage. He’s talked about this with women before (and we’ll cover future comics concerning that here eventually), but the fact he’s making this comic about gay men specifically and that he links a “study” conducted by Exodus Global Alliance, a Christian-based gay conversion/therapy organization, lend a massive amount of credence that StoneToss is a religious nutcase. He does well to never seem overly religious, perhaps knowing the internet (even his very pre-dominantly Christian fan base) would look less favorably on him if he were too forward about how his religion influences his beliefs. 

It seems that around this time of the year, back in 2018, that StoneToss, in his personal life, might have went down a gay conversion therapy rabbit hole. It’s very likely he picked up his bizarre belief in ‘good Christian relationships’ being put under attack (as seen in this issue) from places like Exodus Global Alliance and whatever shitpit church he attends IRL. He was already homophobic, but late 2018 seemed to mark a paradigm shift towards StoneToss exploring homosexuality deeper (would it be gay if he felched the bull’s cum??, StoneToss ponders). Specifically what StoneToss believes ’causes’ someone to turn into a homosexual and, apparently, a belief in conversion therapy.

StoneToss clearly holds marriage in a very high and sacred regard, which isn’t out of character for a bigoted conservative-type like StoneToss. It’s amusing to think that the ‘redpilled based free thinker’ that StoneToss and his fans eagerly believe him to be is, in reality, just a braindead sheep believing whatever his bigoted church leadership instills in him. StoneToss is therefore the literal polar opposite of someone who thinks for themselves; but was that ever really a question, given the absolute intellectual flaccidity of his shitty fucking comics?

The comic’s name is a stupid reference to gay anal sex and poop, a joke StoneToss will mindlessly retread many times in the future, as if this were the start of him realizing that butts have poop in them; which, given his sheltered life and submission to religion, might not be far from the truth.

Also, can we just take a second to appreciate the fucking ridiculous statistic that “28% of gay men have had over 1,000 sexual partners”? No wonder StoneToss hates gay people so much, he thinks they fuck all of the time while he fucks none of the time!

Comic Name: Any Way You Slice It
Description: In other news, American Circumcision, a documentary from a fellow traveler of ours has just released on Netflix! Check it out.
Mouseover: …just a flesh wound
Image Name: circumcision-is-amputation-comic.png
Originally Published: 12/18/2018

What The Comic Is: A man chats with another man, musing that women prefer men who are circumcised. A girl walks by, chatting on the phone, mentioning that she thinks shorter guys are kind of cute. The man, after pausing for a moment, begins to saw his own leg off.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Circumcision is like cutting your leg off to appease )))the femoidz))(

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: You know, there’s a lot I hate about StoneToss. We have a funny relationship like that. I hate him; he’s too busy not getting any pussy and hating everyone else to notice I exist. It’s a little dynamic we have, haha. The thing I hate about him the most, though, if I had to choose, would be his talent to turn a funny comic into a shit one. What I mean by that is that this comic is a genuinely funny base for a joke; a guy who goes too far to tailor himself to what a girl finds attractive. However, StoneToss is a bigoted dumbfuck and therefore that bigoted dumbfuckery coats this comic like a sort of chocolate coating (but it’s not chocolate, it’s SHIT!!11).

We can probably all agree that circumcising babies is bad, so like usual we’ll ignore that part of the comic. The problem with the comic is that it’s comparing circumcision with cutting your legs off, and not in a self-aware way. StoneToss isn’t saying “look, circumcising is as dumb as cutting a limb off!”, he’s saying that guys are such simps that they’ll do whatever women want, even if that means circumcising themselves or using it as an excuse to justify circumcision. In that way, it’s a comic about how women ruin society by making men do self-harmful things, ergo, women are bad. Yes, this is the fruit of StoneToss’ considerable talent: to take a comic about circumcising and turn it into a ‘woman bad’ comic. 

It didn’t have to be a bad comic. But StoneToss is nothing if not an over-achiever, I suppose. Well, an over-achiever at being an idiot, that is.

StoneToss: Debut

multiculturalism comic

Comic Title: The Swirl
Description: N/A
Mouseover: multiculturalism comic
Image Name: food-diversity-comic.png
Originally Published: 7/18/2017

What The Comic Is: First we see plates of food, each a nationally-recognized dish of several different countries, along with the flags for the respective countries planted on the food items. Then we see a man taking a hot, steaming wad of shit. We are then greeted by this chocolate cake, complete with the nation flags from before planted inside of it.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: The food obviously represents different ethnic groups of people. The man on the toilet ate all of the food (putting all the nationalities and people together) and then he shit the food out, as shit. This is a very simple message that CULTURES MIXING = BAD. Obviously StoneToss went for the lowest possible hanging fruit and included the USA and Mexico as a direct and blatant commentary on Mexican immigration to the USA. However, he seems to have taken a moment while drawing this comic to glance over to his framed and cum-stained poster of Bulma from Dragon Ball and decided that the glorious empire of Nippon should be included in this example as well, least we filthy and undeserving Amerixicans taint the gene pool of this world’s greatest people/the inventors of all the cartoon porn StoneToss jerks off to.

Why It’s Fucking Stupid: This is StoneToss’s first comic published on his site, and it’s a really really really good first impression as to just how 1.) Deranged StoneToss is as well as 2.) Fucking stupid StoneToss is. There’s not a whole lot to comment further on this one, but it’s a good representation of much of StoneToss’s earlier works. Very simple, without a lot of deeper meaning.